Help for Domestic Violence Survivors From Robin Wilson, Clean Design Home and Project Lilac

Robin Wilson’s grandfather was a sharecropper who picked cotton in Texas, and now she has a global brand made of cotton. On this episode of “The Goodness Factor,” Wilson—a domestic violence survivor—shares how her Clean Design Home brand’s “Project Lilac” gives sheets to safe houses for those who have the courage to survive domestic violence by fleeing to a safe house.

Plus…Jay, the mom of Xavier, the kid whose kindergarten “graduation” was on an airplane, shares with us how his story went viral. Keep scrolling to listen to the entire episode. And here are photos and videos of Xavier’s viral moment, used courtesy of his mother, Jay…

“The Goodness Factor with Shelley Wade” – Episode 4 featuring Robin Wilson, Jay and Xavier…

[Transcript]

Hi, this is Shelley’s sister, Altha, and this is The Goodness Factor With Shelley Wade.

Welcome to The Goodness Factor and Audacy podcast. I’m Shelley Wade, radio personality, entertainment journalist, voiceover artist, and your host of The Goodness Factor podcast. Thank you so much for joining me. Thanks to everyone who’s already subscribed to the podcast. Thanks to everyone who has had me on their show, featured me on their podcast, blogged about me, shared links about the podcast on your socials. Listen, the only way a podcast will grow is if you get the word out to as many people as possible, more and more people. And you guys doing that, spreading the word is really helping The Goodness Factor to grow. So I just want to say thank you for that. Of course, what is The Goodness Factor about? As an antidote to the daily drumbeat of bad, negative and sad news in our 24-hour news cycle, The Goodness Factor constantly reminds you that there are actually good people in this world doing good things. And each episode, I’ll introduce you to some of them. I’ll be interviewing both celebs and regular people alike, shining the spotlight “on the good deeds they’re doing. We release new episodes of The Goodness Factor every Tuesday, so be sure to subscribe and follow on the Audacy app or wherever you get your podcasts so that you’ll be immediately notified when a new episode drops. Each episode begins with The Goodness Report, where I’ll share inspiring stories the world over about goodness, kindness and compassion. Did you hear about this adorable story? Little five-year-old Xavier missed his kindergarten graduation because he had to fly from Florida, where he lives, to Puerto Rico, where his family is from. But not to worry, his fellow passengers aboard their Frontier Airlines flight gave him a special graduation ceremony right there on the plane. Well, I had a phone conversation with Xavier’s mom about this good news story, and Xavier surprised me and jumped on the phone. “I knew I was going to be talking to his mom. I did not know Xavier was going to join me. His mom was in a room, and then Xavier came in to ask her something, and then he said hi to me.

So I’m going to share that conversation with you inside The Goodness Report here in just a couple of minutes. But also, I want to remind you that each episode, we shine the spotlight on a person who’s actively doing good deeds to benefit others. I call it the do-gooder interview, and today’s do-gooder is Robin Wilson of Clean Design Home, whose Project Lilac social justice mission helps provide sheets for domestic violence survivors.

Can’t wait to share that conversation with you. And then each episode of The Goodness Factor ends with a good word, words of inspiration, positivity, and encouragement. So let’s get into it.

Time for The Goodness Report.

{Phone rings) Hi, it’s Shelley, how are you?

Good, how are you doing?

I’m doing well, and I wanted to make sure that I say your name correctly. Is it Jay? How would you like for me to say it?

That is correct.

Well, first of all, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me for the podcast. I appreciate it.

Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you for wanting to share his story.

Yeah, so, okay, your story went viral because your son Xavier missed his kindergarten graduation, right?

Correct.

He missed it because you guys had a family trip to Puerto Rico. You guys live in Florida, but you had to fly to Puerto Rico, causing him to miss his graduation. So first of all, how hard was it for you to grapple with the idea of weighing whether you should stay for the graduation or go to Puerto Rico?

So I am very close. The reason why I went was because it was my little cousin’s wedding, and I call her my little cousin even though she’s a grown adult, because when I was five, that’s when she was born, and I’m going to age myself now. I used to be a big fan of Full House, so her name is Michelle Stephanie.
That’s how big of a fan I was. And that’s how close I was with her and her mom, obviously. So when she told me to be her maid of honor, I was super excited. And obviously, I said yes. And then when she told me it was in May, I was like, oh, awesome. I’m so excited. And then a few weeks later, when it hit me, because this was a year in advance, and I was like, in May, this is going to conflict with his graduation. And I was freaking out. So I asked parents from last year, from the year before, when did they do the graduation for kinder? And they were like, they did it the day after the last day of school. So when I saw that the last day of school was the 23rd of May, whatever that Friday was, I was like, OK, good, I’m in the clear. His graduation is not going to be affected. But I did reach out to the school and I kept like saying, hey, as soon as you guys know when the day is, let me know. In January was when they finally let me know that it was the same attack day as the wedding.

And luck would have it the same exact day as the wedding. How horrified were you?

I was very horrified. Like I still want to cry thinking about it. For me, like all of his events, no matter how small or big they are, I am always involved. He goes to Montessori School, and they allow parents to have a lot of involvement. So I’m always present, volunteering for field days, for like the world, Christmases around the world activity. I was there both years, pre-K, because he did pre-K there and kinder. 100% always present. And I’m a single mom, so like for me, being there for him means so well to me.

Shout out to all the single moms, man. You know, shout out to all. I mean, I think it’s hard being a parent, period. But then when you’re a single mom, I mean, you got the single mom, the S should stand for single and superwoman.

Thank you, thank you. Yeah, no, it is tough. And I can’t take too much credit of being a single mom, because luckily for me, my stepfather and my mother are 100% present with me. So they take on a lot of roles that I need, and they help me out tremendously. So I know some women out there doing it alone. So definitely I can’t ever say that I’m single completely because of my parents.

Yeah. And they are such a blessing, such a blessing to have them.

They are, they are. But just like going to activities sometimes, and it’s just the three of us, they like make me feel bad because I’m like, if they’re not around, it’ll just leave me being there for him.

Yeah.

But this wedding was very important for me because obviously, I told you the bond that I have with my cousin, and we had a loss in the family in October. So this was like the first happy event that we were going to have.

I’m so sorry for your loss, first of all.

Yeah. Thank you. And it was a tragic. I know that all deaths are not, but it wasn’t that he was sick or anything. It was due to a shooting. So it was something very, very heart-wrenching, and I wanted to be there for my family. And for the past five years of my son’s life, I wouldn’t go anywhere because of his school or because I didn’t want him to miss out. And I missed out on time with my uncle. So it was like, I didn’t want him to not have experiences with his family as well.

Yeah. So the moment, tell me about the moment you decided that it was gonna be the wedding and not staying in Florida for the graduation. How did you come to that decision, and how hard was that?

My godmother played a lot of influence in it. She’s a very wise woman, and I look up to her a lot. And she was like, it’s his kindergarten graduation. I know it’s important, but do you even remember his, you know, your kindergarten graduation? And then I have my other friends who I look up to a lot too, because she’s a great mom, Jennifer. And she was like, don’t feel bad. Like everyone would just like, don’t feel bad. You give 100% to him, and he’s gonna enjoy it. We’ll make it special. You know, you go above and beyond for him, so you’ll find a way to make it special. And then my other aunt, Sandra, she was like, why don’t you write to the school? She’s the one that gave me the courage. And I was like, so bossy. I wrote to the school, hey, do you guys mind changing the graduation date?

You asked the school to change the entire graduation date.

Yeah.

So what was their response?

Their response was like, I’m pretty sure they were taking back because they were like, no, we can’t. And I was like, I understand that was gonna happen. And I just figured I shoot my shot, you know?

Yeah, shoot your shot. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no, right?

Exactly. I was like, you guys haven’t fully announced it because since they hadn’t fully announced it, I was like, maybe I could beat them to it. But obviously, they already had things lined up the way that they needed to have. And I said, is it possible for me to still order his cap and gown and his certificate? I want him to still have something. And his teachers were amazing. Because of the sensationalism of some of the story, they don’t really mention that part of it. And I’ve been telling them that every outlet that I speak to, that the teachers were amazing.

Listen, I want to pause right there because I just want to make sure everyone is clear about what you’re talking about because your story went viral. I’m not the only one who wanted to talk to you about it, right? Everybody, you were on Good Morning America, you were on all these websites, and so everybody wants to talk to you because it’s such a positive story. Again, that’s why we do The Goodness Factor podcast because we want to shine that spotlight on the positive stories because we’re inundated with the bad stories so much. And so you’re saying that you’ve been telling the people who want to interview you about the teachers, but they haven’t highlighted that. Let’s highlight it right here on The Goodness Factor. Highlight the teachers.

Yes, please, please, because they did. I didn’t want them. I’m sure they’re already aware, but they, not only did she calm me down because I was his therapist in the office, Ms. Rachel, I was crying to her. She said, don’t worry, we’ll make it special for him. And sure enough, she went out of her way with Ms. Jasmine, and they let me go to the last rehearsal they had before we left. And they had chairs for my stepfather, my mom, and myself. And we had a little ceremony there.

Okay, so Xavier was able to at least participate in the graduation rehearsal.

In the rehearsal, but because he’s very smart and the other kids are smart, they were teasing him and saying, you’re not going to the graduation. They kept teasing him about it. So that satisfied my mommy heart, but knowing that he was still sad about missing his graduation, because he still kept saying, I’m not going to go, this is not the real graduation. Like to him, that wasn’t enough because he was the only one wearing his cap and gown. All his little friends were just in regular clothes, and he knew that that wasn’t the actual date. He was disappointed, so I started hyping up. “I said, you know what, we’re going to go, you know, spend time with family. He was really excited. He was going to meet his baby cousin because he loves babies. And he was really excited about that. And I told him, you know what, we’ll have a graduation over in Puerto Rico. So that’s when I got the idea to bring the cap and gown with me because I also wanted to do like some beautiful pictures in Old San Juan, which I’ll share with you as well.

Don’t move. More of The Goodness Factor is next.

When my cousin came, I told her for her bachelorette party, we did it here at Epcot. And I told her, wear your bride ears, that we got her. And because she did that, they took her in the cockpit and took a picture of her. So I was like, oh, you know what? I’m going to do the same thing with Xavier. And I put his cap and gown on, and I saw that the pilots were outside. The flight was running a little delayed. So I was like, you know what, let me just do the picture here outside. And they were like with their coffees, they were then inside the plane. And I was able to get the picture. So that was my intention behind the cap and gown. Yeah. And during my mindset cross that it was going to be something of what happened.

Yeah. So I have to tell you, I just automatically assumed, that’s why they say you shouldn’t assume. I automatically assume, that the viral moment went, it happened because you somehow reached out to Frontier Airlines and coordinated it with them. But it wasn’t that way at all. You actually just brought the cap and gown, and your intention was to have Xavier take a picture with the captain, the pilot and the co-pilot. And you did that before he walked down the aisle, the viral video we saw.
So you got his pictures with them before the flight took off. Is that true?

That is very true. And when I was putting the cap and gown on, for him to take the picture in front with the pilot outside the plane, I even forgot the blue piece to it. I don’t know what it’s called, but it had like an addition thing to it.

What, the tassel, maybe?

It wasn’t a tassel on the cap. It was like part of the gown. Oh, I see.

I know what you’re talking about. I think you hang it over your neck.

Yeah. Okay. That piece, I left, and you’ll see it in the photo. So I wasn’t like, I’m kind of like picky with stuff like that. So I was like, oh, I’m going to have to redo this.

You’re a perfectionist.

Yeah. He was telling everyone from the moment we arrived at the airport that he missed his graduation.

You already felt bad about it, and then he’s telling everybody.

Is this Xavier? This is Xavier? Is that Xavier?

Yeah.

Hi.

I am so surprised. I didn’t think I’d get a chance to talk to you on this phone conversation. First of all, congratulations on your graduation from kindergarten.

Thank you.

You are so welcome. I feel like I know you already because I watched your video over and over of you on the plane.

I love it.

You’re welcome. Can you tell me how you felt when everybody started clapping for you when you were going down the aisle on the plane and giving you high fives?

It felt really good.

Yeah, I saw your big smile. Well congratulations again. Did you have fun when you went over to visit family in Puerto Rico?

Yeah.

Oh, very cool. Well listen, I’m so proud of you and so happy to talk to you. Thanks for jumping on to say hi.

Say bye.

Bye, Xavier.

He caught me. I’m hiding from him in the bathroom.

Oh, you were hiding from him. I had no idea I was going to get a chance to talk to him. Very cool.

More of The Goodness Factor is just ahead.

So yeah, I guess we could just fill us in on how it happened, that you caught the viral moment on video.

So like I was, he’s very chatty, so he’ll talk to anyone. When we were checking our luggage, he was telling them that he was missing his graduation, that he was sad about that. And then when we got inside, when we started walking into the plane, I said, you know what, let me put the cap and gown on now again, because I kept taking it off and on him. He’s such a good sport. And I put the complete thing on this time. I made sure it was complete. And we walked in the plane and he started telling the flight attendant that he was missing his graduation. So because the flight was a little delayed, we were like kind of rushed and we didn’t get a chance to ask the flight attendant if we could take the photo. So I was like, you know what? I’m just going to take everything off of him again and just let him enjoy the flight. I took a couple pictures of him with the clothes on the seat. And then maybe like 30 minutes into the flight, Pamela, the flight attendant, came to me and said if I didn’t mind her doing something special, that they wanted to do something special for him. And she’s the one that orchestrated the whole thing.

That’s so sweet.

She had my mom standing in the front. That’s why there’s two angles of the video. So my mom stood in the front of the plane, and that’s the one that went viral, the one that he’s walking down, that you could see him high-fiving everyone. And then she had me record from the back.

Yeah. I actually saw both versions. I saw both versions of it. Very cool. Could you have imagined when all of that was happening that you were going to go viral?

I did not. I actually, so I pin dropped or air dropped, look at me. I don’t know the terminology. I air dropped the videos to the flight attendants because they all wanted it. They were taking pictures with him. And her daughter, I think, was the one who uploaded it. And hers was the one that went viral.

Okay.

So my cousin’s husband was calling me saying, J, Xavier’s all over. Why didn’t you post it? But I didn’t do it with any intention of, like, it was just for him to have that experience. And I was just so happy and excited that we were able to capture those moments. And I didn’t think to upload it. Like, I shared it with family. Like, my mom was the one that was filming the one in the front. So at some point, the video cut to my, like, crosshair. And I’m like, that was a really badly done video, but it went viral.

No, it was very sweet. I loved it. And just to hear, I already loved the video because it was such a cute message. But I love it even more now. I’m going to go back and look at it again. Now from this vantage point, you know, having the knowledge that you didn’t even plan that. It was the flight attendant who, you know, just thought it would be kind to make him feel good about, you know, having his, although he missed his actual graduation, that he could be celebrated on the airplane as well.

Yeah, yeah, and they even Frontier even sent him like a package with like goodies from their airline, like a fanny pack, a little teddy bear, and the box said, congratulations, Xavier. So they customized it. It was very cute. That’s why I’m going to keep the keepsake from the graduation. So like it’s happening now and everything is going to go in there.

So would you like to shout out anyone, acknowledge anyone? Go ahead and take this moment to send your shouts out.

Definitely to Pamela from the airline for putting it together. And also, like I said, Ms. Jasmine and Ms. Rachel from the school because they did what they could to be able to make it memorable for him. And they were really excited when we came back and they saw he went viral.

Very cool. Well, Jay, I so appreciate you taking the time because I know everybody wants to have you on their show. So I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with me, your story with Xavier and yeah, I know Xavier is going to, you know, this is going to be hard to top for the rest of his graduations from from from high school, from college.

That’s what everyone keeps telling me.

Well, thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to share your story.

Yes, thank you so much.

And that was this episode’s Goodness Report. Thanks to Jay and her kiddo Xavier of Orlando, Florida, for, after their story went viral, taking the time to share it with me here on The Goodness Factor. And now it’s time for the Do-Gooder interview.

***

This episode’s Do Gooder, Robin Wilson. Welcome, Robin.

Shelley, thank you so much for having me.

And I introduce you so formally, but we’ve been long time friends.

Definitely. I can’t, we don’t need to tell everyone how many years, but it’s been a good journey, hasn’t it?

Yeah, we have to acknowledge our dear friend, the late, great Keven Davis, who tell everyone the story of how we met.

You know, Keven Davis was such a connector. He is the guy who engineered the Venus/Serena contracts with Nike. And when he moved to New York from, I believe it was Seattle, he just connected a whole disparate group of people who were leaders in their own industries. And I remember he had these fantastic dinners. I remember meeting you at a dinner, and I still remember how good that dinner was years later. But I just, I know Kevin really would be looking down on us today and saying, I’m so happy you stayed in touch.

Don’t you miss Keven? God rest his soul. But we met through the great Keven Davis, and we reconnected when I moved back to the Tri-State area. And I’m so happy that we’ve reconnected, and I’m so very proud of you. Well, first of all, you are my fellow Texan. You’re from Austin. I’m from H-Town.

That’s right.

What brought you to New York?

I was, after graduating from the University of Texas, I was recruited to Boston to work for a consulting firm, and then a couple of years later, joined an executive search firm, Heidrick and Struggles, and then they transferred me to the New York office. I remember initially being terrified of coming to New York.

Really?

And I had a weekend visit, and I want to call it the Disney-fication of Times Square. I remember saying, Oh, it’s not so bad here. There was a Ferris wheel with a Toys R Us right off the side.

Oh, I used to love that Toys R Us. They had a roller coaster in there and everything. I remember taking my niece there.

That’s right. So I said, maybe it’s not so bad. And every single time you make a jump in your life, you might have less to move on. I call it the lesson. You might have less to move on. So I remember having this great apartment in Boston, and I moved to New York, and I had a very small studio apartment.

Which neighborhood?

It was in Upper East Side. A friend of mine got married, and I inherited her rent-stabilized apartment.

Oh, I love it.

And so I just remember, though, saying, I’m making so much less. At least my dollar goes so much. It doesn’t go as far as in Boston. But my gosh, if I hadn’t moved here, I wonder what that y in the road might have led me to. So I’m just thrilled to have lived in New York for 16 years, and now I live in New Jersey. But I’ve built this company along the way, Shelley, and it’s so exciting to be able to talk to you today about our social justice mission.

So let’s first, before we talk about the social justice mission, Project Lilac, before we get into that, let’s talk about your company, because not only are you trailblazing, but you’re highly successful, and I’m so proud of you and inspired by you.

Oh, Lord. Thank you.

You mentioned how you used to work in corporate America. So did the idea of becoming an entrepreneur scare you, or did that excite you?

You know, my grandfather on my mother’s side was an entrepreneur, and his father was an entrepreneur.

Okay, so it’s in the blood.

Right. He had real estate. I remember my great-grandfather playing his Victrola and jazz music and-

Victrola.

I know. He had a Borsellino hat, he smoked Cuban cigars, and he had a Victrola, and he played everything from Ma Rainey to all of the blues and jazz greats. And he always said, remember that if you’re in the room and you’re doing well with people who are doing well, learn everything you can. And the true character of a person is how they treat someone who can do nothing for them.

Oh, wow. because you do meet a lot of people. If you can’t do something for them, they don’t want to have anything to do with you.

That’s right. That’s right. And that’s part of goodness, you know, is you could meet someone who you view them as just a worker at a banquet. But for all you know, they own the banquet hall one day, and you knew them when.

So true. So, how did it come about you created Robin Wilson Home? because you were in corporate America, you weren’t in design or fashion in corporate America, were you?

I was not. In fact, I was working for a corporation. They had an IPO, and I got that windfall of cash to be able to do what I wanted to do. But I had a mentor, and that mentor sat me down and said, sure, you could buy this, you could buy that, you could go on that vacation, but you need to invest in yourself with your education. And I said, I have my undergrad degree, and he said, yes, but, you know, what do you love to do? What is your passion? And no one had ever asked me that question before. And so I’m sure I had a very perplexed look on my face, and he said, okay, and this will date me when I say this. He said, which section of the New York Times do you read on Sunday?

No, that just means you’re grown and sexy.

I’m grown and sexy. Thank you. And so he said, I said, I read the real estate section. And he said, why? And I said, my great grandfather had real estate on my mother’s side. My grandfather had real estate on my mother’s side, and my father’s side has real estate. So I’ve grown up being aware of things. And I said, one of the things I really love to do about real estate is, is understand how you can transform a space. So at that point…

Transforming a space.

Right. So at that moment, this man said, sounds like you need to either be an architect, a designer, or you need to be someone who builds real estate and creates it. And I said, what is that?
And he’s like, that’s a developer. And so he said, all right, there’s two schools here in New York. You can go to Columbia, which is more theoretical. You can go to NYU, which is more practical, where you’ll actually graduate with a project that you might develop on your own. And I said, I want to do NYU.

We all need a mentor like that, by the way.

You know, just to really open the door and guide me. He actually wrote the letter of recommendation I got in. And then I got my degree in real estate finance from NYU.

NYU.

And recently, Shelley, recently I was just selected the 2024 distinguished alumnus and had the opportunity to do the graduation speech at Radio City Music Hall.

At NYU. That’s pretty freaking amazing. Oh my God.

Were you nervous at all?

You know, when you walk the back hallways and you see Barry Manilow on the wall and Jay-Z and Beyonce and all these famous people.

The Rockettes.

And I saw some Rockettes and my daughter saw some Rockettes. When you walk those back halls, you realize there’s a lot of history and what a beautiful team of people who really, both at NYU and at Radio City, made that a special experience.

And how proud your grandparents would have been with you.

That’s right. One of the things I think I’ve told you, Shelley, in the past is, originally my company was named Robin Wilson Home, and in 2020, we pivoted and changed it to Clean Design Home. Okay. And I did that for multiple reasons, but one of the bottom line reasons was I wanted people to understand what we do as a company. So we are the leading allergen aware brand. We are sold globally, including every branch of the military, Macy’s, Belk, Wayfair, et cetera. But part of what I wanted to do is to be a brand that would tell people what we do before they buy it, that we are about clean and well-designed spaces. And by the way, when we rebranded in 2020, everybody was stuck at home during COVID. And so the origin story, though, that I think is most compelling is my grandfather, on my father’s side, was a sharecropper who picked cotton in Texas. And now I have a global brand made of cotton.

What a full circle moment, incredible full circle moment. And your grandfather, what do you think that he would have thought of this?

You know, when you think about that era, there were people who probably never went into the front door of a department store. They probably, if they did, they might have been insecure about it. And to now know my stuff is sold globally, at department stores, at a little store within the store, at the Herald Square location of Macy’s, and also at Belk as a store within a store, and so forth. It makes me realize that when you lean into your history, you’ll discover the gems that propel you forward. I think we all have an origin story. And if we figure out what that is, that sometimes defines the reason why we’re here on our life journey.

Hang tight, The Goodness Factor continues in seconds.

Okay, so let’s rewind a little bit, just a little bit. How did it come about you started Robin Wilson Home?
I know that you went and studied at NYU, and then, you know, your mentor was like, he sounds like you need to go into this. How did this idea pop into your head? And then how did the company actually start?

Well, one of the things that I call Gladwellian, so Malcolm Gladwell talks about the 10,000 hours you need in order to be an expert at something. My childhood was that. I was the panallergic child that was allergic to dust and smoke and pet dander and food. And that 10,000 hours of my childhood has compelled me to be very aware of my environmental surroundings. When my company that I worked for had their IPO and I got that windfall, all of a sudden, having the mentor guide me to get my degree, he also said, if you’re an entrepreneur, you’ll always do what you love to do. Now, that’s really not true, because sometimes you have to go to staples and buy the supplies and things like that, or check out the bank account and it might be low.

But what he meant was, if you chase your dream and follow your passion, you never really work a day in your life. It’s always an adventure. So I started my company initially as a project management company.

So people who have various homes, maybe one in the Hamptons, one in the city, one in the Aspen or something, I would fix their home. So I would be in the Hamptons in the winter, I’d be in Aspen in the summer, and I would make their homes come alive as a project manager. I moved from that into interior design.

And then shortly after, about 2008, we started licensing the brand. And so we ended up in Bed Bath Beyond. I’m so grateful to B. Smith for opening that door.

God rest her soul.

God rest her soul. And by 2020, rebranded to Clean Design Home. So I think that the entrepreneurial journey was one of, I leaned in to what I knew how to do, which a great organizer and communicator with contractors and clients. Then moving in to actually licensing the brand and getting it sold at a retailer. And now here we are, a global brand. It’s one of those things where it’s a lot of hard work behind the scenes. And I often tell people that when you see a successful person, there’s a lot of hours they’ve either been alone or with a very small team working really, really hard behind the scenes.

Yeah, that success didn’t just come out of nowhere.

That’s right.

You put in the hours.

That’s right.

So now that you have Clean Design Home, you are doing something called Project Lilac.
And this is the whole reason you’re visiting me here today on The Goodness Factor podcast, because we like to shine the spotlight on good people doing good things. Project Lilac, can you explain to everyone what that’s about?

Well, you know, I almost have tears in my eyes because I think of the person that I was in 2014, which is 10 years ago. And on August the 8th, 2014, I was making plans to flee a domestic violence situation, my ex-husband. And here I am 10 years later, and now Project Lilac is giving sheet sets to safe houses for those who have the courage to survive domestic violence by fleeing to a safe house. So, we also partnered with Joe Torre through his Safe at Home Foundation. We’ve provided over 200 sets of sheets to families so that they don’t go to a place and they don’t have any sheets. because I say this to people, the mom will pack everything for their children. They may not pack a set of sheets, or even bring hygiene products for themselves. So, safe houses, apartments can really make the difference. And when you show up and you don’t have sheets and there’s a raw mattress, that can take away your dignity. You had the courage to leave. So, our program, Project Lilac, is a social justice mission. It’s not a not-for-profit. We take a portion of our profits and we buy sheets. And we never know the address of the safe house. We’ve worked with the YWs, the YMCAs, and other organizations. And we get it to that organization, and then they send it out to wherever it needs to go.

The Goodness Factor resumes after this.

Okay. So, we can’t talk about a project like this and your passion for it without revisiting your domestic violence, if you don’t mind discussing for just a little bit. A lot of people might be surprised. A powerful woman like yourself can, as we discussed earlier before we started the podcast, you don’t like to say victims. But, you know, at the time, you do feel like a victim. You are a survivor now and a thriver. But a lot of people would be surprised that a successful, highly successful, powerful woman like yourself could be the victim of domestic violence.

Right. Well, one of the things that we all have to know is no one walks down the aisle with a kick-me sign on the back of their dress. And so it can happen to anyone. My company has generated over $80 million in wholesale licensed revenue. I have a master’s degree. I have a family. My mom and dad were married 52 years. I did not come from that and did not and was not exposed to that. I also say that many people, when they meet someone like me, they’re like, well, did you see any signs? And I’m like, no, because if I did, I wouldn’t be in that situation. But my ex has a lifetime final restraining order against him. So it’s not the person saying, oh, I was abused. It’s very hard to get a lifetime final restraining order against you. What I do know is it happens to one in four people. And that’s men and women, that’s LGBTQ people, that is people who are high school age even. And they’re dating a guy and he’s quite controlling. And they think, oh, he loves me. He wants to know where I am all the time, or he wants to whatever.
And that young person might be in a domestic violence situation. So parents also need to be on the lookout for that.

Yeah. And was it hard for you to find the courage to leave?

It was, but I had and have a support system of friends and family. Even my licensing partner has helped me in various ways to make sure that I could economically afford to leave, because you don’t realize the cost. One of the things that I will say is, I learned something during this process, and we talk about lessons, right? Sometimes you take less to move on. That’s really what a lesson is. One of the things that I said to someone after they asked me, well, why don’t those women leave? And I said, well, do you right now have six to $10,000 in your bank account, that’s your money, not anybody else’s money, that you can right now, right first, last month’s security deposit, that you own your car, that you can, if you have a child, that you can buy diapers, formula, whatever, for three months. Do you have that amount of money under your control right now? And she was like, well, no. I said, okay, so that economic barrier can be one reason why people don’t leave. The second is the shame, because again, a lot of people victimize the victim. And make that person feel like they did something wrong because, quote, he’s such a nice guy. And again, as I said, sometimes it’s insidious because that person will be really nice publicly. But Gloria Steinem did a movie. She produced it with someone from HBO, and it’s called Private Violence.
And it talks about how the safest space you’re supposed to be, which is your home, can sometimes be the worst place for you to be. So I think that I don’t revisit it anymore. I try to empower other people. And paying it forward in the way that I can is to make sure you have a safe and healthy sleep space in your future home.

Can I just ask you one more thing? I really would love for you to share any piece of advice you can give for someone who may be silently suffering through domestic violence. Any kind of advice or words of encouragement for them?

Well first of all, there’s something called the power and control wheel. I urge everyone to please Google power and control wheel. And when you do, ask yourself if you are affected by any of those issues.

It’s fiscal, it’s emotional, it’s physical. And there will be people that will say, well, I never hit her, but there could be fiscal abuse. There could be emotional abuse. They could use the child against the mother, saying things like, well, if you leave me, I’ll hurt the child or something like that. So one of the things that when you google that power and control wheel, and you ask yourself, well, maybe it doesn’t hit me, but he does these other things. If four or five of those things are things you’re experiencing, you are experiencing some form of abuse.

That’s one. Number two, if you have the courage to tell a friend, that friend should not go back to the guy and question why he did that, because what will happen is you’ll get even more isolated. And that person who’s abusing, that person will likely tell them, if you ever tell anyone else again, I’m really going to hurt you.

So if someone reaches out and you can do anything for them to guide them to a resource in their community, that’s number one. Number two, if someone leaves and they need to stay somewhere, I have heard that 80% of the families and women that do become homeless are survivors of domestic violence. If you have an extra bedroom, maybe it’s got to be safe for you, though, but I say this, tell them that there are safe houses out there. And those safe houses are places you can stay temporarily while you get back on your feet.

So Robin, when it comes to domestic violence, what’s an abusive action that most people don’t recognize?

Well, there’s actually two. The first is someone who belittles you and all of your accomplishments. When you are doing well, they create a fight or they make you feel like it’s not a big deal. Don’t little anybody’s big thing.

Don’t little anybody’s big thing.

Right.

I love that. because most people think when you think domestic violence, you think physical, but it’s more than just that.

It’s more than just that. And the second is fiscal violence. Fiscal violence is…

Fiscal, not physical.

Fiscal. Someone who is working a job, and maybe they have to turn over their check to their spouse, so they don’t have any income, they don’t have any money that they can use or save. And so that means every action they, as an adult, want to do is controlled by their significant other.

Yeah, and similarly, maybe they don’t have a job, and they rely on their significant other for their financial well-being. So having to ask permission to buy this or ask for money, and that person may be dangling that over their heads.

That’s correct. I think that those are two areas that most people would say, well, he didn’t hit me or he didn’t hit you. Well, sometimes they’ll “threaten to do that too.

And they may not do it, but my ex one time sat in front of me with his fist in front of me, like he was going to hit me and I was holding our baby. I can’t tell you the terror that is. One thing I will also tell someone is, if anyone has ever strangled you, don’t write that down as, well, he almost strangled me.

The reality is he almost murdered you, because a few extra seconds and you would be gone.

Oh, wow, that’s powerful.

I think that Project Lilac is making a difference for those who leave, because it takes a lot of courage to leave. And if you’re a survivor of domestic violence or you know someone who is, or you work for an organization, a safe house organization, let us know and we will try to add you to our roster. We don’t send out hundreds and hundreds of sheets sets, but we do send out a few every quarter, based on the profitability of our Clean Design Home brand.

And we really, really appreciate this opportunity to tell you about the little bit of good we’re trying to do for the world.

Yeah, and that’s what we do with The Goodness Factor. I want to shine the spotlight on it, you know? Shine the spotlight on good things, good people doing good things and things like Project Lilac. And you mentioned something I wanted to go back to. You mentioned that Joe Torre.

Yes, from the Yankees.

You had a partnership with him. And we have to give people the information that the reason you teamed up with him, because his charity was it?

His mother was a survivor of domestic violence, and he actually created a charity called the Safe at Home Foundation. They actually have programs around the country for high school students, so that the students who may be living in a home that has this, or maybe they’ve had dating violence while they were young people, or those who might be prone to it, maybe that’s the only example they know. So they’re trying to give them other strategic coping mechanisms so that they don’t continue the cycle. It’s a wonderful organization, Safe at Home Foundation by Joe Torre. And you can read so much about his story. But what I loved when I met him was his very candid awareness of how much I had been hurt deeply, and sharing his mother’s story, and basically saying we should absolutely honor and help those who flee. We should not suggest that they are the problem. Hurt people hurt people. And you can’t fix them unless they want to fix themselves. You know, one of the things that I remember, going to church as a young girl, Sunday school, they have a song called This Little Light of Mine. And it goes on to, I’m gonna let it shine, right? And hide it under a bushel, no. So when you’re in a domestic violence situation, that’s the bushel covering up your light. And when you leave that relationship, your light, your sun, all of that joy comes out and other people see it. I remember people seeing me after I left, and they were just like, you look so happy. And You look so joyful. Are you, you’re doing fine. I can see it. And it took a minute to “get to that place. The beauty is that in giving back, in speaking about this issue, if it happened to me, it can happen to you. It can happen to your daughter. It can happen to your brother. It’s not something that is an income or education based. There are so many women, I could name names, but I won’t. But there’s so many powerful women I know who have been through this at some point in their lives. And the most important thing we all have to do is recognize that if someone comes to you and says, I’m being abused, I’m afraid, help them. Find, help them find the resources. Believe the victim.

Robin Wilson, Clean Design Home, Project Lilac. Project Lilac is a social justice mission for domestic violent survivors. They donate Lilac sheets, which of course Lilac is the color of domestic violence awareness, to domestic violent survivors in the hope that they’ll continue the journey to reclaim their lives. These sheets are for domestic violence survivors. And you’re wishing, you say right here, may you have a healthy and safe sleep tonight. Healthy and safe sleep.

Yes. You know, that’s the thing. You don’t think about how hard is it to think that some people are sleeping with, jokingly, one eye open because they’re afraid of maybe they didn’t put the towels right in the bathroom. Or, you know, we’ve seen all the Hollywood depictions of this. But that insidious nature of walking around on your tiptoes, being afraid, walking around on eggshells, when your home should be your sanctuary, your home should be your sanctuary.

May you have a healthy and safe sleep tonight. That’s the gift you’re giving.

Project Lilac, Clean Design Home. And thank you, The Goodness Factor, for letting us come and talk about what we’re doing to help people.

So if our Goodness Factor listeners want to help, how can they?

If someone wants to help, because this is not a not-for-profit, we actually take a portion of our profits. So please visit cleandesignhome.com. Shop with us at our flagship store, or shop at Macy’s, Belk, Wayfair. We have everything from pillows, towels, comforters, things that you need, even toothbrushes, because we are an allergen-aware brand. And so given that one in five people suffer from asthma and allergy, that’s 60 million Americans, you’ll find something for someone in your family or your friends set.

Yeah, whether you’re buying a gift for someone’s birthday or anniversary or anything, a portion of that will be going to Project Lilac, and you’re helping these domestic violence survivors. Thank you so much, Robin.

Thank you, Shelley.

I appreciate you stopping by The Good Factor. Thank you. You’re doing some goodness.
Keep putting it out there into the universe.

Thank you so much.

And that was the Do-Gooder interview. Such meaningful information. Thanks Robin.

And now it’s time for The Good Word.

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As we get older, I don’t know about you, but for me, it just feels like as we get older, time flies by at lightning speeds, doesn’t it? Geez Louise. And there are reminders everywhere at all times about how fast time is flying. So I just want to say with that in mind, whatever intentions you have for your life, whatever intentions you had at the beginning of the year when you were setting your resolutions for yourself, whatever intentions you have for your life, it’s just a reminder to be more intentional on making them happen because time is consistently dwindling. Do the things you say you want to do. “Love on the people you love while you’re blessed to still have them in your life, while you’re blessed to still have life. Don’t take any of the moments or any of your time for granted. Do what you want to do in this life while you’re still blessed to have it.

***

And that’s the good word. And that wraps up this episode of The Goodness Factor. Thanks to Xavier, who surprised me by jumping on the phone, and his mom, Jay, for sharing their story of his graduation on the plane that went viral.By the way, his mom shared with me pics and vids from that viral moment. So if you hear us talking about the viral moment, but you haven’t seen it, you don’t have to search for it. I’m posting them on The Goodness Factor social media and on my personal social media. So please do follow me. My Instagram is the one and only Shelley Wade. My Facebook is All The Rage With Shelley Wade. And follow the podcast on Instagram, at The Goodness Factor. And on our Facebook page, The Goodness Factor With Shelley Wade. You can find the pictures and videos from his viral airplane graduation. Also, thank you to Robin Wilson of Clean Design Home for sharing the very valuable information about Project Lilac. And thanks to you for joining me. Be sure to subscribe to The Goodness Factor, if you haven’t already, on the Audacy app, or wherever you get your podcasts. It’s on Apple podcasts. I’m not sure. I don’t think we’re yet on Spotify. I’m not sure exactly what that technical difficulty is, but you can definitely get it on the Audacy app and Apple podcasts. So subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already. We release new episodes every Tuesday. Be sure to subscribe and follow so you’ll immediately be notified when a new episode drops. And if you know of any people or organizations doing good things for their communities, and you want us to shine the spotlight on them, DM us on social media. Also, if you have a good story to share, record it into your phone and DM me the voice message. And I’ll be sure to include your voice sharing your good news in the next episode. This has been the Goodness Factor Podcast with yours truly Shelley Wade an Audacy Podcast.